Kathy Raising Resilient Children Summit
===
[00:00:00] Welcome to Raising Resilient Children in the Age of Digital Dependency Micro Audio Summit, where we explore the journey of parenting in the digital age.
[00:00:08] This summit is designed especially to help you, moms and dads, to have better relationships with your kids, more confidence in your parenting, and less stress in your life. Throughout these interviews, you'll hear speakers who will share life changing tools and strategies that you can quickly and easily follow and use with your family.
[00:00:29] I'm your host, Kathy Van Benthuysen, 20 year mom, 30 year teacher, a multi sport coach. And a writer with a passion for helping families navigate the complexities of technology and its impact on our children. For over three decades, I've been immersed in the world of education, coaching, and parenting. My experience has taught me that while technology offers incredible opportunities for learning and connection, it also presents significant challenges.
[00:00:59] One of the most pressing issues we face today is digital dependency among our children. As a mom, I've witnessed the allure of screens firsthand. As a teacher, I've seen the effects on focus, social skills, emotional well being, and relationships. And as a coach, I've observed the impact on resilience, teamwork, and physical health.
[00:01:22] That's why I've dedicated years to researching and understanding the side effects and unintended consequences of kids use of social media, gaming, and videos. Throughout my journey, I've listened to others in the field. I've read countless books on the subject and analyzed as many reports as I could get my hands on.
[00:01:42] While many of these resources do an excellent job of outlining the problem, I've noticed a gap when it comes to offering workable solutions. This is where my expertise comes in. My superpower is getting through to kids, helping them grasp the why behind their actions and choices. It's about engaging them in a way that resonates, making the message stick, and fostering a deeper understanding of the impact of their digital habits.
[00:02:09] I believe in the power of storytelling to convey complex ideas simply and effectively. In this podcast, I'll share stories and insights that will help you understand the why behind digital dependency. We'll explore the consequences of recreational tech use, and most importantly, the benefits of preventing digital dependency in our children.
[00:02:31] As we embark on this journey together, I invite you to join me in a conversation about how we can nurture our children to become more resilient, happier, and more successful in life. It's not about setting limits. It's about empowering them to make informed choices and understand the impact of those choices on their lives.
[00:02:53] As you guide your kids through this journey, you're not just helping them connect better with the world around them, you're also strengthening your bond as a family, creating a deeper, more meaningful relationship that will last a lifetime. Again, welcome to Raising Resilient Children in the Age of Digital Dependency Micro Audio Summit, where we're not just talking about problems, but we're finding solutions for a healthier, healthier world.
[00:03:17] I want to start by telling you a story. This story is a blend of three families experiences who have gone through convolation. These experiences have been combined into a single narrative for conciseness and ease of storytelling. So grab a warm beverage, a snuggly blanket, and settle in for a short story.
[00:03:40] Picture, if you will, Nancy Johnson, a dedicated mom, like all of us, wanting to provide the best for her children, Lisa and Mark. Lisa, with her flair for theater and piano, and Mark, with his love of soccer and chess, were excelling in school and in their passions, much like our own children do in their own pursuits.
[00:04:00] Nancy started seeing troubling changes, though. Lisa, who used to love her piano and theater practices, was getting more and more drawn into the world of TikTok and Instagram, worrying about how many likes and comments she got. Lisa began to look for approval with every post she made, and her mood and self esteem would go up or down depending on how much attention she got online.
[00:04:22] It was like the applause she used to enjoy on stage was now replaced. by likes from people she didn't even know. Mark's journey down the digital rabbit hole was equally concerning, but took a different path.
[00:04:35] His passion for soccer and chess, which used to occupy his afternoons, gradually lost out to video games. What started as a casual pastime, turned into marathon gaming sessions. The excitement of scoring a real goal in soccer was replaced by winning in video games. Even more troubling was how Mark's behavior changed.
[00:04:57] He became so obsessed with gaming, he wanted to do little else. So friends, family, and school took a distant backseat. And the, just five more minutes, mom, became an hour. As these issues grew, the family dynamic shifted. Car rides became silent. Family dinners quiet. Conversations. The vibrant family life Nancy had nurtured was being robbed by screens.
[00:05:24] Nancy had a big wake up call during one of Mark's soccer games. Like many of us, she was so conditioned to look at her device and respond immediately when it buzzed or dinged that she missed seeing Mark score an important goal. When Mark looked for his mom to share the moment, he saw her looking at her phone instead of being present with him.
[00:05:44] Seeing his disappointment made Nancy realize That it wasn't just the kids who are caught up in the digital world, she was too. This moment was a turning point for Nancy, making her see the problem with how her family consumed technology. It was then that ConvRelation entered their lives, not offering rules or restrictions, but a path to understanding and change.
[00:06:07] Lisa and Mark were understandably resistant. They groaned at the thought of yet another screen time lecture or monitoring app.
[00:06:16] As they began to engage with the principles of conrelation, something unexpected happened. To Nancy's surprise and relief, her children's reluctance quickly turned to curiosity. It wasn't long before the kids were the ones initiating conrelation discussions, eagerly asking to dive deeper into understanding their digital world.
[00:06:36] What amazed Nancy even more was the ease with which this transformation occurred. She embraced herself for a challenging journey, but found that convolution made the process surprisingly effortless. Convolution starts with daily affirmations.
[00:06:53] So Nancy and her children began to reshape their relationship and thoughts about themselves. They started each day with powerful statements like, I am more than my online profile, and I am what I think about all day long, which set a positive attitude for the day. These simple, daily affirmations had a profound and immediate impact.
[00:07:15] More than that, As they went through each convolation experience and learned about digital dependency, Lisa and Mark began to understand the why behind their mom's concerns. They learned about the psychological effects of social media and gaming, and what dopamine is. That tech companies hire attention engineers.
[00:07:33] Who's job it is to keep our eyes glued to the screens for as long as possible, so they make the most money. That what we see on social media is not real life, but highlight reels and so many other eye opening issues. This learning led to a shift in their behavior. It opened their eyes to the world around them and they got to see what was happening to them and their friends.
[00:07:57] Lisa and Mark willingly engaged in and surprisingly initiated not only meaningful conversations about digital dependency but about other things in their lives. Lisa found her love for the arts again using her online profiles to show her real life interest instead of letting them define who she is.
[00:08:16] Mark started to see gaming more as a fun hobby, making more time for his sports and other activities in real life. Their home, once filled with everyone on their own devices, turned into a place full of laughter, talks, and shared moments. This shift in their behavior didn't go unnoticed amongst Nancy's friends.
[00:08:36] Many were struggling with their own children's challenges. The lure of influencers. Endless gaming, nonstop YouTube videos, and the alarming trend of mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and attention problems. And they approached Nancy for advice. Through ConvRelation, the Johnson family not only managed to reduce their screen dependency, but also found happiness in being together as a family again.
[00:09:01] Their experience shows us, as moms and dads, how changing our digital habits together can bring us closer. It's an inspiring story that proves Even in a world full of technology, we can reconnect with each other. And that concludes story time, but I wanted to share. That mom, who missed her son scoring a goal in soccer, was me.
[00:09:24] What was worse, it was his one and only goal that he scored in his short two year career. There are so many side effects and unintended consequences for kids using tech as recreation. There is a lack of focus and attention, increased depression and anxiety, as well as cyberbullying, just to name a few. I want to share a couple of startling statistics that were just published by the CDC.
[00:09:50] 57 percent of teen girls report persistently feeling sad or hopeless. 50 percent of kids say they do not enjoy life and that their life is not useful. Last year, 25 percent of girls thought enough about suicide to make a plan. These are frightening statistics. Think about it. These are our future teachers.
[00:10:16] Doctors, nurses, leaders, moms and dads. We want our kids to excel, but these mental health challenges make it difficult. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you know anyone who wants their kids, their spouse? Their friends, their family, anyone to spend more time on social media, gaming or videos? Of course you don't.
[00:10:41] None of us do. Maybe your child only uses social media or games occasionally, but how important is it to you that your child not become digitally dependent? How would your relationship with your child be better if you could have meaningful, tension free conversations with them about the effects technology has on all of us?
[00:11:04] We all know that kids use of social media, gaming, and videos causes problems for them at home, in school, and in life. With ConvRelation, you're able to have back and forth conversations about the side effects and unintended consequences of recreational tech use. Pretty cool. Right? And the results are kids who communicate better, spend less time on tech.
[00:11:27] Are more resilient and are just more fun to be around, which sets them up for a successful life with compilation. You will never say tech is bad to put it away or to stop using it because we all know that is not reality. And frankly, it doesn't work. Conrelation is designed for kids ages 8 to 14 and their parents or grandparents who want to get out in front of it.
[00:11:52] It is also designed to help those whose kids are already digitally dependent. We chose 8 to 14 year olds because they still kind of like us and still want to talk to us. And because when we tried with older teens, They were nearly impossible to reach. The whole goal of convolation is to generate a conversation between you and your child. Now, I'm sure you're saying, Kathy, this all sounds wonderful, but how do I do that? That, Is a great question. Convolution has two components. The first one is a series of affirmations that you and your child do each morning, and again in the evening. This helps set a positive attitude for the day. You will see immediate results.
[00:12:42] And the best part of you doing daily affirmations with your child? It only takes about seven seconds. And don't tell me you can't find seven seconds. The second part of ConvRelation is a series of activities that you will experience together. It is part hard copy guide and part online content. Hard copy because we are old school and like paper.
[00:13:05] You and your child will get to work together on an activity once a week over the course of six weeks. Your child will learn about dopamine, attention engineers, and that social media is just a series of others highlight reels. They will learn how tech companies intentionally manipulate our emotions.
[00:13:24] Armed with this knowledge, they will be able to make better tech choices. Let's dive into a recent concern that highlights why staying informed is crucial for both you and your child. This is from a Wall Street Journal article, backed by FBI Insights, which sheds light on a disturbing trend. A surge in online scams targeting teen boys.
[00:13:47] Here's the gist of it. Imagine your teen boy chatting online, thinking he's talking to a girl his age. She shares a revealing photo and nudges him to do the same. But once he sends his photo, the trap snaps shut. The girl is actually a scammer, demanding money through payment apps or game consoles, threatening to blast the photo on social media if he doesn't pay up.
[00:14:12] The scary part? These crooks are often far away beyond the reach of U. S. law, making it tough to take legal action. And it's not just a few isolated cases. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported a staggering jump in over 10, 000 such incidents in 2023, up from fewer than 10 just three years earlier.
[00:14:35] So what's the game plan? First, you need to teach your kids about these scams, urge them to keep personal images private, and stand firm against any threats. If they ever find themselves in this situation, remind them not to pay the extortionist, as it only invites more demands. And most importantly, keep the lines of communication open with your child so they feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns.
[00:15:02] This example is just the tip of the iceberg. By staying informed and maintaining open dialogue with your child, you can empower them to navigate the digital world safely. And that's where ConvRelation comes in, to equip you with the knowledge and tools to engage with your child and strengthen your bonds.
[00:15:22] Before we wrap up, let me tell you one more story. I recently ran into someone I hadn't seen in a few years. He had heard that I retired from teaching after 30 years and asked me about what I was doing now. After explaining convolation, he said, wow, everyone needs this. He shared his own story about the time and money he had spent for his own eighth grade son to play soccer, the camps he had gone to, the trainings, and the travel teams.
[00:15:49] All of it was tens of thousands of dollars. And then he said something that stuck with me. I know my son is not going to play professionally, nor in college, and I'm not even sure he will be able to make a high school team. And then he said, I spent all this money on something that won't get him anywhere in the future, but going through a convolation can literally change the trajectory of my son's life.
[00:16:14] So let me tell you how the name ConvRelation came to be. The name was actually the result of focus groups we conducted with teachers, moms, and dads, just like you, that experienced ConvRelation with their kids. They didn't so much focus on the specific activities or experiences involved in ConvRelation.
[00:16:32] Instead, they talked about the positive outcomes and significant improvements in their conversations and how the time spent together strengthened their relationships. During a brainstorming session, we were playing with words including conversation and relationship. Then, in what could be called a stroke of inspiration, genius, or perhaps sheer dumb luck, we stumbled upon a simple idea.
[00:16:55] Swapping the S for an L in conversation, and ConvRelation was born. And no, ConvRelation is not in the dictionary. At least, not yet. We have three easy ways for you to get ConvRelation for you and your child. All of these are outlined on our website.
[00:17:14] The first one, DIY, do it yourself. You and your child will explore the ConvRelation guide together at your leisure. The second way is do it with us. You get to work directly with me and a small group of like minded moms and dads and get the support of a community. This is more interactive. You get a whole lot out of being part of doing this with a group.
[00:17:36] The group also helps us all stay accountable. These group sessions are recorded, so if you cannot participate live, you can watch the replay. Check our website for the next available times. These groups are limited and fill up quickly. The third way is to do it directly with me. I work directly with your family.
[00:17:55] This is limited to two new clients per month. To learn more about which one of these three options is best for you and your family, please visit the website. I guarantee that by getting and doing ConvRelation, you will have better conversations with your child, not only about tech, but about other things happening in their lives.
[00:18:16] They will have more confidence, higher self esteem, and a brighter outlook on their future. I also guarantee that your child will be more engaging and fun to be around. And they will look at you and your relationship differently. Technology is coming at us faster and faster, and more kids are becoming digitally dependent.
[00:18:37] Get ConvRelation. I guarantee you, it'll be the best thing. Okay, listeners, be sure to listen to the other micro audio topics in this series so that you can have better relationships with your kids, more confidence in your parenting and less stress in your life. And please make sure to visit the speaker interview page and download all the incredible free resources.
[00:19:04] Thanks for listening.
